Anxiety made me a broken person. Once I healed, I discovered the real me.
So much has changed in the past years. The single, most pivotal event that prompted these changes was coming to terms with my anxiety. After spending most of my life living in fear and self-doubt, I decided to regain control.
For a long time, I gave anxiety the power to manipulate my emotions and the way I lived my life. There were days I literally couldn’t function and remained at home, wishing to hide from the rest of the world. I knew that living a life full of dread wasn’t normal and that I was missing out on so much. I looked at my kids and instead of getting psyched for their upcoming performances, I dreaded going out, afraid that an anxiety attack would creep up in the middle of a show. I refused of entertaining the idea of traveling—it overwhelmed me to think that I had to step outside my safety zone and travel from home—which was my safety shelter.
The truth is there is no safe place in life. Yes, there’s the comfort of home, the tranquility of the sea, or a special spot in nature where we can regroup. But the only place we should—and can—truly be safe in, is within ourselves. If you have to find a particular place—or be with a particular person—to feel unconditional peace, then it’s time to ask yourself why.
When we love ourselves unreservedly, accepting everything about us—good or bad—then we truly are safe. We can carry that peace of mind everywhere we go and no matter where we find ourselves, we really are sheltered.
The way there isn’t easy though. I’m not going to lie and say that I woke up one morning and had this realization on how to be happier. In fact, it took a lot of work. I had to follow two important steps to get over my challenges.
The first one was having a long, hard look at myself. Where was I in life and where did I want to be? What made me feel broken and why? Who was I and who did I want to be? And most importantly—what made me happy?
Some of the answers were terrifying. Acknowledging past trauma, lifelong resentments, and painful memories sucked. I didn’t want to deal with them. I didn’t want to be exposed and vulnerable. But if I didn’t, I’d remain in the same spot—broken and miserable. So I accepted each answer, allowing them to be right and giving them room to be felt. The more I allowed myself to feel them, no matter how hard it was, the easier the burden.
Next, once those feelings came to surface in all their raw exposure, I had to do something with them. That’s when the second step came in.
I had to find a tribe. I heard the term a couple of years ago and immediately was drawn to the comforting feeling associated with it. Small communities and tightly connected cliques came to mind—a place where one belonged.
Finding my tribe took a few tries. The first person I consider to be in it, is someone I work with very closely to this day. She has helped me come to terms with my anxiety, teaching and guiding me on what I need to do in order to co-exist with it. She showed me how to manage it and most importantly, how to master it. She is the first one in my tribe that made me feel like a person, not a case, not a number, not a cracked human being. That’s when I realized the power of a support system.
Addressing the root cause of my challenges—the anxiety—calmed me down enough to see what I wanted out of life. Once I accepted myself for who I was and learned about self-kindness, I could spread my wings and find the path I needed to be on.
This brings me to the point of this post. It’s time for me to move on and I’d love to have you come along my new journey. As you can see, a lot of the changes include a new website (which I adore!), and a new purpose.
As I ready myself to publish my debut YA Fantasy novel, The Forest House, I’ve decided to take a new direction. This means the old me—and blog—is changing. With a clearer mind, a ton of self-love, and a tribe backing me up, I can share my experiences and my work with you, focusing on making this a safe place—for you and me—a community where you don’t have to be perfect. A place where you can find your tribe.
If you want to stick around and be inspired by the new changes, join my TRIBE list below. If you feel it’s time to get clear on your purpose, get a bit whimsical, and relate to an everyday woman, then this is your chance.
Welcome to my TRIBE.
P.S. Don’t forget that these WordPress notifications are going away this week! That means that you won’t hear from me unless you join my TRIBE list. So add your name and email, girlfriend, and get ready to depart on an incredible journey ☺